Go Back
by NovemberianPegasus
Summary: What has my life become? How I wish I could turn back in time... I wish I never left. I wish I had never pushed her into his arms. She never stopped loving me. Why did I do this to myself, to her?
1. Chapter 1

**EPOV**

This is what I have turned into. Again, a stalker in the shadows and this tree is my only friend. Despite I have lived 119 years, it feels as if my whole life I have been doing this, not only 10 years... I wish it didn't hurt so much.

And always, my point of obsession... Isabella Swan... Mrs. Isabella Black. I loathe and damn the day I let this happen. What would she do if she knew I was here, that I have been sitting out here, admiring and agonizing?

She stands by the kitchen window, while she washes the dishes. Today I spot a new gray hair. Thats 33 now.

Bella has a daughter now. I bet she does not regret me leaving. If I had stayed, she would never have met her ray of sunshine. She's happy.

And next, the image that hurts me the most: her loving husband, returning from home, quietly, slips his hands around her waist and kisses her neck. And there's the face that kills me, she closes her eyes and smiles, she enjoys the warmth of her loved one. I can't see any longer.

I've spent enough time torturing myself in this tree, now it's time to torture myself in my place.

I wish I could die now, I'm just agonizing eternally. She's happy, that's what matters. I still love her.

My days pass as this. I always feel the fire of pain in my chest, but in the end, I realize she's happy, making it all better.

The night is long, and I usually can't stand staying here, so I go to her place and take a closer look. By the time I'm two houses away, I hear her sobbing. I run as fast as I can, and the front door is open.

I hear Bella's agonizing scream, which I have never heard before. I enter the house, without any thought, and she's in the floor, next to her daughter's body. She's holding her against her crying.

Bella saw me, but she kept on crying, ignoring me and turning her attention towards her daughter. She had been stabbed in the stomach. I believe Bella thinks her daughter is dead, but I hear her pulse, slowly... she's not dead, but she's not far from it.

I quickly grab her from her mother's arms, and carry her to the hospital. I enter yelling Carlisle's name, while I place her on a bed. Carlisle sees her and hurries to surgery room without asking for explanation. She's in good hands now.

I stand by the door listening to his thoughts. As for what I hear, it was very close. I can breathe now... so to speak. But now, I have to talk to Bella. Instead, I walk to reception and tell the lady to call Isabella Black, to tell her that her daughter is fine. I wish I could ask her what happened... and why wasn't Jacob around?

I had to go see her, but I'm not sure if I can let her see me. So I decide to lurk in the shadows.  
Bella's sobbing in the corner of her living room, her sobs somehow relieved. I guess the hospital already contacted her. This is a new pain... I have never seen her like this before. This time, I can't control myself, so I enter.

"Bella?" I asked from the front door. She's on the floor, crying. I wanted to stay on the door, since it wasn't my home, but seeing her this broken was excruciating. I slowly walked towards her and without thinking, I sat next to her. She remained hugging her knees, sobbing. I tried touching her back, and she quickly hugged me.

My heart dropped to my stomach.

And I can't think of anything.

She's here, I'm here.

"You're here" she sobs.

I hugged her back.

"I'm sorry" I said. "For leaving you in the woods"

"I always forgive you" she said. "And now I can't thank you enough for saving my girl."

My thoughts scattered around like crazy, I was still wondering what happened, and where the hell was the father of the girl.

"It's nothing" I replied.

Suddenly, Bella stood up and turned to me. "Could you take me to the hospital?"

We stood in the waiting room, when Carlisle got out. "I hear Mrs. Black's daughter was our patient" Carlisle said with a smile, making his entrance. Bella ran to hug him, like the daughter she once was to him. Physically, she was around the same age as him, but we still saw her as the 18 year old girl who just moved in to Forks.

Carlisle stated the condition of the girl, and we felt relieved that she was stable. We entered the girl's room, and she was asleep. She looked like Bella... with Jacob's chin.

Bella kissed her forehead and sat next to her. I felt I wasn't needed anymore in here, so I excused myself.

"Please don't go" Bella whispered, with a cracked voice.

"Then I need to know what happened, and where's Jacob?"

She didn't say anything, her face dropped. He did this.

"How? Why?" Then I saw Bella's arms... bruised.

"What happened?" I managed to say through my teeth. My blood boiling at this point.

And then I saw it. He was here. Behind me. He remembered what happened for me to see.

 **JPOV**

 _I wake up suddenly, but Bella's not in bed. I walk down the stairs to look for her, and there she is... standing in the kitchen again. looking out the window. This is a game I am sick of now. She acts as if she doesn't know, but she know's he spyes on her. She was supposed to be sleeping with me, and she's looking for him?  
My blood boils as my hands shake, all of my body starts to tremble.  
"Are you waiting for him?!" I yell.  
She turns quickly, her face terrified. I slap her and grab her by the wrist, and throw her on the ground. _

_Without thinking, my claws are out. I want to hurt her so bad so she knows what pain is. What she constantly gives me, when she is supposed to be kissing me and I know she's thinking of him. When she is supposed to sleep with me but she rathers be awake thinking about him._

 _I throw my claws out..._

 _"Daddy, no!"_

 **EPOV**

The girl in the bed will have to forgive me, because she has no father now.

I fast paced outside and he followed me. The rest is history. I ended him in the woods, as the same as I did to Bella 11 years ago.

What has my life become?

How I wish I could turn back in time... I wish I never left.

I wish I had never pushed her into his arms.

She never stopped loving me.

Why did I do this to myself, to her?

"See?" Alice said. "This is not the best way"

"Stop it, Alice" I groan, as I am lying on the floor of this abandoned house in Brazil.

"You needed to see how much you will regret leaving Forks, brother. You had to see to whom you are leading her to, because she IS with him, already. They are friends, but she spends all her time with him to forget about you. And she will marry him to forget about you. All in vain."

My chest aches so hard. I can't do this to her. I don't want to kill Jacob... I mean, I want to, but I don't have to.

I stand up, dust off my clothes and take a deep breath.  
"Thank you"

"That's the spirit! 3 "


	2. Chapter 2

**BPOV**

The water is cold, but after cliff jumping, my body is filled with energy that makes the temperature enjoyable. Jacob's old friends, who became my new friends, brought me to try jumping. They said it was quite a rush, and they weren't wrong. I never felt so alive before...

Well... I once did... but I try not to think about it. Not while I'm around others.

Since Edward left, I've been trying to cope with my pain alone. I told my father that the Cullens had to move out, and it was a mutual break up. I told everyone this. People seem glad that I wasn't hurt.

If he ever comes back... which I am almost positive that he will... we could start were we left off, without anyone having an opinion.

And I know he will come back... because he loves me. He said that he didn't want me, but I know that he is so stubborn. He freaked out on us... on my salvation, on my soul, on Jasper.

But I always forgive him, and I will wait for him forever. There is not a single person... or vampire... that can replace him.

Paul, Embry, Quil, Sam and Leah suggested we went back to the shore and cook dinner by a bonfire. We swam back, me being last, of course, when I heard Jacob calling for me. I wasn't sure what he was trying to say, but when I got closer to the edge, I saw Alice on the beach.

"Hi, Bella!" she grinned. I swam like crazy and hugged her, not being sure if she was a vision or reality... but bumping into her hard body made it clear for me. She must be a sign, a sign that he was coming back. Or maybe he has, and she was here to give me the news.

"Who are your... friends?" Alice asked, filled with suspition, as she saw Jacob's abs.

"These are my friends: Paul, Quil, Embry, Jacob, Sam and Leah. Guys, she is Alice Cullen. Edward's sister."

They were friendly to her, as they have never had an opinion on the Cullens. I never let anyone see the ugly parts of my relationship.

They asked her to join us for dinner, and she agreed. She helped us build the bonfire and set up some logs for us to sit in.

"Hey, you know what I'm craving?" Jacob asked, unnecesarily loud. "Fish... who wants to join me fishing?"  
They all did, of course, except me and Alice. I'll have to thank him later.

"So..." I said.

"So... you seem very happy."

I smiled a sad smile.

"I'm not depressed. I can't let myself get there. I usually am when I am alone, but I fill my time with distractions. But when I am alone in my room, at night, I have this"

I take out my phone and show Alice a video I recorded when Edward was mine. His face was filled with love and his eyes with sweetness.  
"This is what makes me keep on believing he loves me. It keeps me sane."

Alice sighs as she sees the video. "Wow, I miss this Edward. I forgot he used to look like this."

This worried me, I know he must be in great pain.

"How is he?"  
Alice stopped to choose the right words in her head.

"He is... well... as good as one can be after leaving the one you love to make a life without you."

"But it doesn't have to be that way! Why is he so stubborn?"

Alice laughed a sad giggle. "That, little sister, I don't know"

I leaned my head on her shoulder and she wrapped me under her arm.

"What brought you here, Alice?"  
"I saw you jumping off a cliff, and never saw you being pulled out of the water."  
I giggled. "It was fun, and it wasn't that high"

"That's why I'm here, I wanted to see that for myself"

"Does someone know this?"

"Yes, him."

My heart dropped. I sat back to see her face. "He knows I jumped off a cliff and he's ok with it?"  
"Of course not, Bella. He saw my thoughts. He saw you jumping and he saw me coming here... and he saw himself following me."

My thoughts scattered like crazy and all I could do was to stare at her face.

Her eyes pointed behind her, and I tried to look into the dark beach... and there he was. Standing.

I stood up, begging my legs not to fail me, as I ran towards him. When I saw him walking slowly towards me, I ran as fast as the sand let me, and jumped to hug him. He catched me in the air, and held me as tight as my body could handle. He inhaled my scent, as he always did.

His knees broke, and they landed on the sand, as we cried together.

I broke the hug, took his face between my hands, and stared into his teary eyes.

"Don't you ever... EVER... do that to me again, you hear me?"

He nodded, as he sniffed, and I laughed, also filled with tears. I grabbed his hand and walked to the fire.

Everyone was already back, and they saw us coming over.

"Hey everyone! This is Edward, my boyfriend."

"Hey, you're back!" Jacob said.

Edward stiffened as Jacob extended his hand, but he relaxed and shook it.

Then we all ate dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

I wake up next morning, with the annoying sound of the alarm clock. Monday, again.  
Was last night a dream?  
I know our trip to the beach was real, I can feel the salt on my skin and hair, but my memories after the campfire are a blur.  
We drank a bit too much, after all. I don't remember getting home.  
Was Alice a dream? Was Edward something my mind created?

After getting ready, I drag my feet towards the kitchen to join Charlie.

"Morning, sweetheart", he chirps, unusually happy. "Waffles and fruit, today!"  
We enjoy our conversation between bites, police mysteries, high school dramas. I clean up and we both drive off.

As usual, I get earlier to school. The parking lot is empty, so I turn on the radio to distract me from my thoughts... but  
I set myself up for an impossible task. I scan the parking lot every 3 to 5 minutes for a Cullen car.  
Nothing.  
It's almost 8am and no Cullen has arrived.

It's ok... I'm ok.  
I rip off a piece of paper from a notebook and write a note.  
"Don't leave me waiting."  
I fold it, leave it on the seat and hurry to class.

I see myself running across the wet floor, when I tripped on my foot and fell on my behind.  
For half a second, in mid-air, I was hoping that I wouldn't fall.  
That a pair of cold, hard hands would catch me, and my face would blush, and he would stiffen.

But there I was, with a wet behind and a heart about to break.  
But the day is not over, and neither am I.

I got to class, and for my luck, the teacher has not arrived.  
Some classmates are on their seats, others are talking. My seat was being guarded by  
Mike Newton.

"Hey Bella, how was your weekend?" Mike casually greets me.

I usually think Newton is annoying, he never sees me just as a friend, but  
Today I want to distract myself from Edward.

-"It was good, I went to the beach with Jacob and some new friends from La Push"  
-"That's cool... hey I wanted to ask you something..." ugh. Here it comes.  
-"Yes, Mike?"  
-"I wanted to know if you would like to go out sometime?"

I don't have words to answer him... and somehow he takes it as a chance to keep on talking.

-"I know you're still hung up on that Cullen guy but-"  
-"Edward, and I'm not 'still hung up'. He's my boyfriend."  
Mike makes a weird smirk, which makes my blood boil.  
-"Uhm, Bella. Your ' _boyfriend_ ' left, remember? About a year, now?" 

All I could think now was punching his teeth, or lead him to believe he can have a chance with me just to break his stupid shallow heart.

I wanted to say yes... I wanted to flirt and I wanted to see his face when I come clean about hating his guts...

-"Mike..." I breathed.  
-"Yes?"

-"Good morning, class!" Mr. Espinoza announced.

The hour ran fast, and as soon as class was dismissed, I ran to my next period, where I knew Mike wouldn't be.

As I ran through the aisles, I heard a loud manly laugh. I stopped and turned into the direction of the laugh.  
That was Emmet's laugh, I was sure of it. I made myself though the crowd and I saw them.  
Emmet and Rosalie walking away from me.

"Emmet!" I yell, and as I got closer, they disappeared.

The aisle got empty as the bell rang and I stood there.

I wanted to turn back to my own class... but instead, I walked to my car.

I got inside, hoping the note wasn't there... but it was.  
I grabbed it and held it in my chest as I cried.

Last night I had the cruelest dream. I dreamed Edward came back to me, and promised to never leave me again.  
I unfolded the note, but there was something different.  
"Don't leave me waiting./ I'll be on the cafeteria all day"

I ran to the cafeteria, and there he was. All alone, standing beside our table.  
Then, suddenly he was right in front of me.  
"You ordered me to never ever leave you" he whispered. "And I promised I'd stay."  
His hand hesitates but ends up in my cheek. "Where you doubting?"

I chuckle and hold his hand with mine. "Not doubting you... but I was starting to think it was all a dream"

He smiles... that smile... and holds my face with both his hands. "Dream is over" he says, and he kisses my forehead.

I giggle and walk towards our table. He follows and sits next to me, and pulls me as close as our bodies can.  
"So..." he begins, charming as ever. "Guess who arranged his schedule to match Miss Isabella Swan's?"

"Someone who forgot the semester ends up next week" I laughed while tapping his head.


End file.
